Inez's Diary

i’d like to share

no body needs to know at the time

melihat kawan2 tercinta struggling di detik2 terakhir kelulusan membuat banyak ingatan tentang masa2 itu kembali. suatu waktu ketika nothing else matter kecuali mendapat acc pembimbing, lalu forum lalu sidang. sepertinya ga ada yg tahu dengan pasti apa yg benar2 terjadi pada saia saat itu, i think i’m doing a great job covering it.now that everything is over for me, and seeing what happens to my friend, i’d like to share

seorang teman bilang, “kamu enak banyak barengan waktu lulus, ngurus ini itu bareng…and ladida…dida.. doh!” it comes from a really close person who should know excatly how i feel. the fact that i was left behind her, i can’t confront myself and be there in ache watching her graduate while i’m not. but hey, it was past. talk about loneliness, i don’t thats fair.it doesn’t apply to me. tariklah waktu 3 semester kebelakang dan bicara tentang “sendiri”.
Psikologi klinis selalu dianggap susah dan nightmare buat mahasiswa psikologi. banyak yang sengaja untuk menghindari bidang itu kalau lagi ngambi mata-kuliah2 penelitian. back then, i don’t have a choice. ga nemu perusahaan buat fenomena bidang PIO, i find myself hard to get close to kids and family so i avoid develompmental psychology. i don’t understand experiment. so i jump to clinical psychology. for a whole semester, i’m doing it alone. i got help but still most of it alone. i can’t share much with my friend cause none of them in clinical. so what do you say, is it fit the term of “alone”?
masuk ke metpen-skripsi, ga ada temen deket…ga juga satu kelas yang sama pembimbingnya. i understand, by this time everyone busy with them-self. i can’t and i don’t blame it. fast forward to the end of the academic year. time to enter crazy hour and emotional roller-coaster of forum and sidang period.

dulu sedikit “maksa” pembimbing supaya meng-approve skripsi saia untuk daftar forum. 3 students, and only me jump to this hectic period. a friend isn’t finished yet, another one just not hard enough and (i found out lately) just don’t have what it takes to get there.
masa forum sekitar 2 minggu setelah daftar. karena sedikit memaksa, pembimbing blom “puas” dengan skripsi-nya…pembimbing meng-approve dengan catatan, saia harus revisi tiap hari sampe menjelang waktu forum (yg jackpot karna dikabari via sms h-2). believe it or not, saia hanya tidur satu jam saja. sepanjang malam revisi, bangun pagi untuk ketemu pembimbing dan revisi terus ngumpulin fake draft. fake draft ini cuma formalitas aja sebelum saia ngumpulin reivisi yg sebenarnya saat pembimbing saia sudah sedikit “puas” dengan skripsinya. no one does it.

ga ada yang intens bimbingan setelah daftar forum, while i do. setiap orang selalu nanya, “kok masi bimbingan?kan udah daftar forum?” how am i supposed to feel? ada malu, karena skripsi saia tidak cukup bagus sampe masih harus revisi intens gini. malu sama temen, orangtua, keluarga. ada kesal sama pembimbing, marah karena lelah dengan proses panjang yang rasanya tak berujung. i push those feelings so far away. keep teling myself, “satu langkah lagi, semua selesai. demi lulus…”
saat sidang, semua rekan sidang ada temen dekat disampingnya yang nemenin. where’s mine? ada satu yang ketemu, tapi dia juga dateng buat bimbingan….bukan buat ketemu saia. for i don’t know how many times, i push the feeling away and help her rather than ignore. sampe detik saia masuk ruang sidang, i don’t remember any of my close friends or people that i thought would be there, there. but then when i’m out….everybody’s there. i’m glad and it felt so sweet. i got an “A” . thank you guys

patience and calm is everything. saia pernah nunggu 4 jam untuk bimbingan 5 menit saja. nunggu 2 jam untuk mendengar kata, “kita ga jadi bimbingan” entah berapa kali, berapa bulan lack of good quality sleep, begadang untuk yg namanya skripsi. skipping familiy times, friends moments gara2 skripsi.ujungnya dicela penguji forum bahwa skripsi saia “jumping” dan ujug2 a.k.a tak berdasar…a.k.a useless and nothing

all i’m saying is… there are times when you feel all alone and really alone, you felt helpless but no one care. the point is not the loneliness but to achieve something great there’s so many to sacrifice. its fine to feel awful, sad and all when you think you’re not your best but you must remember its worth fighting for. so get up and fight again. the worst thing will happen, but it also will pass. it just thing that you must get through. there is no other way around. keep telling your self, “its gonna worth the pain”

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