Inez's Diary

a case #1

I’ve known a person who (as she said) trying so hard to make her parent proud of her. When their parent finally said, “Good girl, that’s what I want you to be”. It’s not like her parent didn’t say anything when she accomplish something, cause there’s always “a but” after the congrats. Her mom said, “congrats, but I know you could do better than this” or when she told her mother she was the best of the worst (like she got a bad grade, but all her friends were worst) her mother would said, “yeah, don’t be like your friend.” What her mother said should be meant appreciation, I’m sure her mother meant that. But she (the person I know) accept what the mother said as, “you’re not good enough, you need more to prove, you’re good but I’m not satisfied with you.” Yes, she’s been feeling left out, that she is enough as a daughter for her own mother.

Over the years she’s been chasing what she called a proud appreciation from her mother for being a child. She got the best grade in class in elementary school, she got in to a class program of excellent student and she’s the best ten of her class. On junior high she’s top 3 of her class, and on the third years of junior high she became one of the “siswa teladan” of her school. She got into top 3 best senior high school in town, tough she’s not that excellent in senior high she’s survive high school with good grade (8/10 average). She’s entering the best university for her favorite major, which of course the university that her mom so proud of. Still the way her mother said after she reach 3,1 GPA (which is damn hard to get in her major) make her feels that her mother isn’t proud of her yet. She’s said, “Mom always set higher standard after I accomplished one or another, and it’s like a never ending chase.” Yes, she’s tired trying to prove her self to her mother. After all she’s been trying to do, being a Muslim, great student, away from drugs, alcohol and early sex, she always feels that her mother wants more of her.

Now she’s tired, but she’s afraid. She’s ending undergraduate school soon, she’s afraid her mother wanting more (again). While in the other hand she scared to death that she might not finish at the time she (and her mother of course) wants.

She said…

It’s not easy being me. I’m the last kid and was always surround with complete luxury. I’ve been trying to grow my self, indeed time and experiences do me. So then I found my self more mature than my friend. I look older than I should, I don’t care because it’s my choice. My problem makes my self. For once in my life, I want my chase for gain the appreciation of my mother to me Ends. All I want is her to be happy, happy to have me born, to have me as her daughter. I’m trying my whole life and I feel so tired of the chase. I would do anything to see my mother happy, but if I got to do this for eternity I don’t think I can fight it anymore.

What do you think friend? Was she so crazy for attention or her mother just a heartless bitch?


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